


Impossible To Hate You

by sourtongue



Series: AU Drabbles [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: im not good at writing forgive me, its hard to tell for this drabble but ron is now w the saviors, kinda angsty, light fluff, ron doesnt know why carl forgives him so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 16:34:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourtongue/pseuds/sourtongue
Summary: This is from a newly created au of mine that was actually inspired by Instagram User Andergrimes but without context, it fits well as a What Could've Been scenario too.





	Impossible To Hate You

The eyes have been piercing through him for awhile. He could feel them. Lifting his gaze, he sees Ron, staring.

“What?”

Ron drops his eyes, isn’t quick enough to completely look away so he focuses on the sole of Carl’s shoes, the dirt caked in between the boot prints.

“Why don’t you hate me?”

He wants to look up, map out Carl’s freckles with hazel eyes that still harbor guilt, anger and pain.

“What?”

Carl questions for the second time.  
All this time has passed and he still fails to make much sense of Ron most days.

“I _shot_ you, Carl.”

Ron says it as if Carl’s forgotten.  
As if he doesn’t have a permanent reminder right on his face and the lack of depth perception to go right with it.

“I shot you. I could’ve killed you.”

He hates it when Carl counters him with kindness, with understanding and forgiveness. He doesn't deserve that; not from anyone, especially not from Carl.

“But you didn’t.”

God his chest hurts.  
Ron finds Carl’s freckles, studies the slope that forms the bridge of his nose, the curve that makes up plush rose lips.

“You’re missing an _eye_ because of me. Why don’tーHow do you not hate me because of that? How can you justーsit here and treat me like I’m a good person? Talk to me like I’m your friend?ー”

Ron wants to take Carl’s next words and shove them back down his pretty little throat.

“‘Cause you _are_ my friend, Ron.”

A short laugh escapes Ron’s lips as he shakes his head. Behind his eyes, a dull aching starts to make them throb before the corners burn with the onset of unshed tears.

“I’m supposed to be your enemy. You’re supposed to hate me; _despise_ me.”

No, he doesn’t deserve this, the sympathy, all of it. Carl is supposed hate him, just like he’s supposed to hate Carl. He doesn’t. No matter how much he wants to, how much he tries; he can’t.

He hates Rick with _ease._  
But Carl? It’s impossible.

Carl watches the tears that spill from Ron’s eyes, the way he refuses to meet his gaze anymore like he used to. Anyone would think it was because of Carl’s injury. Carl knows it’s out of guilt.

“Ron, it was an _accident_. It was an accident.”

Admittingly, it was hard for Carl to get through it. It still is sometimes. There are days when he catches that glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror and he can’t stand what he sees.

Days where he questions why this had to happen. Why he had to get shot _again_ , after everything. He tried to be mad at Ron, tried to blame him entirely. He’d wanted to hate him for what he’d done but he never could.

“I don’t hate you because it was an accident. Because youーyou didn’t mean to. I know it. I can see it. You want me to hate you so things will feel like they’re supposed to, but I can’t. I don’t.”

Ron rubs at his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket, reddens the skin of his cheeks and his eyelids with friction induced irritation.

“I’ve never hated you, Ron. I just wanted to be your friend. I still do.”

He almost misses that smallest hint of a smile while Ron stares down again, this time into the dirt.

“...Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a newly created au of mine that was actually inspired by Instagram User Andergrimes but without context, it fits well as a What Could've Been scenario too.


End file.
